How important would you say relationship-building is to your life both personally and professionally?
I’m sure you would agree that all personal and professional success can only happen through good relationships, wouldn’t you?
It is also obvious that having a good relationship is predicated on having effective communication, isn’t it?
This world moves very fast though, and much of the “relationship-building” and communication we have with others is done virtually, and in short bits.
So, how can YOU build rapport with someone in as little as 5 minutes?
Remember, it is not about you. You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. In every relationship, listening is far more important than speaking. Listen to what the other person is saying (even if it is only for 5 minutes). Hear what they are saying and listen to understand. There are many tricks to help you better retain the information (repeating what they say, clarifying, etc.). We go over many of these “memory techniques” with our clients. The most important tool, however, is for you to have the desire to listen.
Listening is the first step, but how can you steer the conversation to gain that rapport? The one who asks the questions controls the conversation. If you have ever witnessed a good attorney during a trial (either in real life or in a movie), you have noticed that he or she controlled the whole direction of the conversation. Asking questions will prove your interest, and help you learn more about that person (likes, interests, challenges, strengths, etc.). It will also help you “guide” that individual to topics that will help you. Whether this is a product or service you sell, or your opportunity for a date, etc. This is a science that great salespeople practice often, and we have a blast going through scenarios with our clients. Keep in mind all questions should be very conversational, it is not an interrogation. Another technique that will help you greatly with this is the “palms up” approach. When you are speaking, if you use your hands, hold your palms up. This sends a message that you are open, and that “you are handing the conversation back to the other person” as you make an exchange.
Body language represents 55% of all communication. For all of us to feel comfortable and connected to someone, even in a short amount of time, we need to be able to relate to them. All people have a dominant modality for learning and communicating. The three most common modalities are visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.
A visually dominant individual will describe things through sight:
“I see what you are saying”
“Paint me a picture”
“Look at this”
“Can you see?”
Visually dominant people will like to talk, sometimes pretty fast, and will look up when they are in deep thought, especially when trying to remember something.
An auditory dominant individual will describe things through hearing:
“I hear you.”
“Holler at me.”
“What I’m hearing you say is…”
Auditory folks love to talk as well, and their eyes will go from side to side (looking at their ears) when in deep thought.
Kinesthetic-dominant individuals are all about feeling. Here is how they like to communicate:
“I feel you”
“That one hit me”
“It feels like you want to …”
Kinesthetic-dominant people take their time speaking. Most the time they will internally evaluate things before speaking. These individuals many times are very artistic, creative, and good with their hands and at fixing things. A kinesthetic-dominant individual will tend to look down when in deep thought or trying to retrieve a memory.
It is crucial to notice one’s patterns and dominant modality to connect with them. Can you imagine a visually dominant person trying to connect with an auditory-dominant person in 5 minutes? One is talking fast and describing everything as if they were in a movie. The other speaks much slower and is about feeling and connecting. The two might as well be on another planet while speaking two different languages!
Maybe this sounds familiar to you? People relate to people that are like them. People that talk like them, move like them, learn like them, and describe their surroundings like them.
We are not asking you to imitate someone in an uncomfortable way. Just to mirror their body language and modality. If they tilt their head to the right slightly, you tilt your head to the right slightly. If they speak slower than you, slow down. If they use feel words, you use “feel” words. If they speak faster than you, try to speed up your speech. If they use “sight” or “hearing” words, you use “sight” or “hearing” words.
This puts you in the position where you and the person with whom you are speaking are on “the same planet”, and “speaking the same language.” Makes sense, doesn’t it? Often a client will ask if the idea of “mirroring” is disrespectful. It is quite the opposite. You are showing that person the utmost respect by trying to connect with them on their level. It is no different than when you visit a foreign country with culture and customs that are foreign to you. You do your best to follow their customs and culture as respectfully as you can.
That being said, it is not easy. If you are dominant one way, and the other person is dominant in another mode that is quite different than your dominant mode, it will be challenging for you to adjust. Do your best, you are showing great respect, and in the end, you will connect, even in as little time as 5 minutes!
You just learned 3 Simple Steps to Build Rapport in Less than 5 Minutes to Connect & Grow ALL Your Professional & Personal Relationships!
So NOW what???
What will it mean for you to connect with more people at a faster rate?
How will this affect your business and your personal relationships?
What would it mean to you to be able to better understand all your business colleagues and potential clients, and what about your family and friends???
Working with a coach who is an expert in strategic intervention, brain health, behavioral psychology, sociology, and the unconscious mind can help you improve and build more fulfilling and lasting relationships. Learn how you can GAIN it all in life through our transformational coaching program. Click the button below to book your FREE 30-min strategy session with us.